The year 2023 has been a rollercoaster of emotions, a paradox of joy and sorrow woven together in the fabric of life. March brought an unimaginable tragedy with the loss of my brother, sending shockwaves through my family. In May, my mother’s hospitalization further tested our resilience as we faced the harsh reality of celebrating Mother’s Day without my brother. Little did I know that the year’s challenges were not yet over.
As the anticipation of a festive Christmas filled my home in December, life took an unexpected turn once again. This time, it was my mother who bore the weight of grief.
When Things Don’t Go as Planned:
December 23, 2023, was supposed to be a day filled with warmth, laughter, and the joy of family. The gifts were meticulously wrapped, a festive charcuterie board adorned my table, the games were planned, music playing, and the aroma of Christmas lunch wafted through the air. My family was en route to my home, ready to celebrate the holiday season together. However, when they arrived, the atmosphere shifted from excitement to concern.
My mother, already grappling with the pain of spending her first Christmas without my brother, was unable to step out of the car. Weakness had taken hold of her body, robbing her of the strength to stand or walk. In the blink of an eye, the festive gathering turned into concern and an urgent trip to the emergency room, shattering the carefully constructed plans for a perfect Christmas.
As the days unfolded, the hospital room became an unexpected setting for our Christmas celebration. The weight of my mother’s grief was apparent, and the uneasiness as we awaited a diagnosis cast a shadow over the holiday spirit. Three days in the hospital felt like an eternity, each moment marked by uncertainty and concern. It was only after receiving a diagnosis that we were relieved and could finally take her home, albeit with a realization that this Christmas would be far from what we had envisioned.
The Burden of Expectations:
Amid this turmoil, I found myself reflecting on the burden of expectations. As an Enneagram 1 The Perfectionist, I had envisioned the ideal Christmas celebration – a day brimming with joy, love, and the warmth of family bonds. Yet, life had different plans, reminding me that expectations are often a double-edged sword, capable of both elevating the anticipation of our experiences and plunging us into disappointment when they don’t go as we expected.
The weight of my desire for the “best Christmas ever” became apparent as I sat by my mother’s bedside in the hospital. Perhaps I had set the bar too high in my pursuit of perfection, creating a fragile framework that crumbled in the face of life’s unpredictability. This realization led me to confront the truth that expectations can pave the way for profound disappointment when not tempered with realism.
Learning from Disappointment:
As I navigated the unexpected twists of 2023, I began to understand that disappointment, though painful, carries invaluable lessons. It catalyzes growth, prompting us to reassess our priorities, perspectives, and coping mechanisms. Here are some key insights I gained along the way:
- The Fragility of Plans:
Life is inherently unpredictable. No matter how carefully we plan, unforeseen circumstances can disrupt even the most carefully orchestrated events. Embracing the fragility of plans allows us to cultivate resilience and adaptability, essential skills for navigating the uncertainties of life. - The Power of Resilience:
Resilience is not born from perfection but from the ability to bounce back from adversity. Witnessing my family’s resilience in the face of loss and health challenges reinforced the notion that strength emerges from vulnerability. It is okay not to have all the answers and to lean on others for support. - Shifting Perspectives:
Disappointment invites us to reconsider our perspectives and redefine what truly matters. While a hospital room may not be the conventional setting for a Christmas celebration, the love and connection shared within those walls became the essence of our holiday this year. Shifting our perspective allows us to find joy in unexpected places, such as a kind nurse, a patient husband, or an encouraging word from a stranger. - Letting Go of Control:
The illusion of control is a common trap. We often convince ourselves that meticulous planning can shield us from uncertainty. However, relinquishing the need for absolute control opens the door to spontaneity and chance. It invites us to savor the journey rather than fixating on predetermined outcomes. As I let go of control, I channeled my inner Enneagram 7, The Enthusiast, which is the number I move to when I feel secure. To facilitate movement to a 7, I intentionally let go of all expectations and control, which allowed me to become versatile and spontaneous. In our situation, it was also necessary for my sanity to relinquish control. - Cultivating Gratitude:
Amidst the challenges, cultivating gratitude became a guiding light. Gratitude for the moments of laughter amid fear, the support of loved ones (especially my sister and partner), and the resilience that emerged from adversity. It is through gratitude that we find solace during life’s storms. My greatest gift this Christmas was that my mom was released from the hospital on Christmas Day. - Adaptability: A Beacon of Strength in the Unpredictable
The theme of adaptability is central to the narrative of my tumultuous yet transformative year. In the face of life’s unexpected turns, adaptability emerged as a beacon of strength, guiding my family and me through uncharted waters. The events of 2023 underscored the importance of being flexible in our responses to adversity. When my mother’s health took a downturn on December 23, adaptability became more than a desirable trait – it became a survival skill. I had the choice to push against or dance with the changes occurring around me. I chose to dance.
Adaptability, in its essence, is the ability to adjust and thrive in the face of change. It’s not merely weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain. As my family navigated the hospital corridors, the unpredictability of my mother’s condition forced us to discard preconceived notions of how our holiday should unfold. The ability to adapt became a lifeline, enabling us to find comfort amid chaos.
This journey reinforced the understanding that adaptability extends beyond mere survival; it fosters growth and resilience. Each twist and turn became an opportunity to reassess, recalibrate, and emerge stronger. The willingness to embrace change allowed us to transform setbacks into stepping stones, demonstrating that adaptability is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our capacity for growth.
Adaptability encouraged a shift in mindset. Instead of lamenting the deviation from the planned Christmas celebration, we found joy in the impromptu moments of connection within the hospital walls. Adaptability became synonymous with finding beauty in the unexpected, a skill that proved invaluable as we redefined the meaning of a holiday gathering.
In a broader context, the lessons learned in adaptability transcend the personal sphere and extend to the global landscape. The world, much like our individual journeys, is marked by constant change and uncertainty. Those who can adapt not only survive but also thrive in the ever-shifting currents of life.
As I reflect on the transformative power of adaptability, I carry forward the wisdom that rigid plans may crumble, but a flexible spirit weathers the storm. The ability to adapt is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, an acknowledgment that, in the ebb and flow of life, the art of adaptation is what allows us to sculpt a meaningful and fulfilling existence from the clay of unpredictability.
Conclusion:
As the year draws to a close, I reflect on the transformative journey that unfolded in the midst of unexpected challenges. The dichotomy of joy and sorrow, woven into the fabric of 2023, has imparted profound lessons on the fragility of plans, the fragility of life, the power of resilience, and the art of embracing life’s uncertainties.
In the face of disappointment, I have learned to release the grip of expectations, allowing life to unfold organically. As my family and I move forward, we carry with us the strength gained from adversity and the wisdom born from disappointment. In the tapestry of life, the threads of unpredictability create a mosaic of resilience, growth, and an enduring appreciation for the beauty found in the unplanned moments.
Self-Coaching:
Now, you can try some self-coaching by answering the questions below. Going into the new year or season of your life, what expectations of yourself or others do you need to let go of?
What unrealistic expectations are stealing your joy?
What is at stake if you don’t let go of those expectations?
How can you let go of those expectations?
What can you tell yourself so you remember to let go?
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you have trouble answering the questions above and want to join me for coaching, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me at the email address listed below. Navigating the complexities of your personal and professional life can be daunting, but you don’t have to face it alone. As a seasoned professional coach, I am here to offer you a personalized coaching journey that goes beyond generic advice. I am dedicated to helping individuals like you unlock their full potential, overcome obstacles, and thrive in their chosen fields. I would love to help you and guide you on your path to success. Together, we can turn your personal and professional aspirations into a reality.
I look forward to working with you and supporting you on your journey.
Kindest Regards,
Stephanie
Founder & Chief Growth Office
stephanie@growgoodcoaching.com